The Incredible Beigeness that is Taylor Swift

Sigh. Taylor Swift. It is award season once more and one cannot escape her open-mouthed, pale-skinned, red-lipped, wide-eyed self. I am actually upset that I am even dedicating an entire blog post to her. I do not follow gossip sites and yet I find myself knowing so much about her, knowing the lyrics to her songs and being aware of her existence. Why? Because she is being shoved down my throat. Everywhere I turn, there she is.  And that upsets me. Her songs are on every station all the time, she wins all the awards at the shows, she is on the cover of Glamour. I actually did not buy this month’s copy because of that. I just feel the need to express how I feel about her and categorically state that she is by no means one of the best artists on the scene right now. What a ridiculous and unsupportable proposition.

My sister has accused me of being a celeb-hater. I would not go that far. I am not the greatest appreciator of celebrities; that much I will admit. One of my biggest victims is Sarah Jessica Parker (I never ever ever got the whole Sex and the City thing. Were we supposed to actually accept that she was this sexy and attractive super-fashionable person? I really feel I was late to that party. But this post is not about SJP. ) Second victim is Angelina Jolie. I hate her movies, and she stole Jen’s hubby and adopted kids from around the world. Fine. We give her that. But I really do not get the fuss. I feel she is also overrated. There are many more. So no, I am not a great big celeb-lover. It is not a crime. I actually feel that the world would be a better place with less vacuous stars. Back to Taylor Swift.

My problem with Taylor Swift is the fact that she is being presented to us as one of the top artists of our age. And if that is the truth, what a sad truth it is! It makes me really sad to be living in a time where a person like Taylor Swift is touted as a leading artist. Has anyone actually listened to her lyrics?

“You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess; It’s a love story baby just say yes”.

Why you gotta be so mean?

“And all you’re ever gonna be is mean”

“Someday I’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me…”

What is she, twelve?  She needs to do more to convince me.  Yes, yes! I know! Has anyone listened to Lil Wayne or Big Sean lyrics? Yes, they are terrible and basically, alphabet soup. But no one is jumping up and down and telling us that they are the most amazing talents. They make music and hits. They entertain. They are entertaining. But they are by no means the best in the game. That has never been proposed.

Her songs were relevant when I was fourteen. That Love Story song was a jam; I will admit it. I loved it. No. That is a stretch. It was a nice song. The lyrics were catchy, it was cute; she was cute. We were all young and hopeful and starting to fall in like and get excited about boys. And then I grew up and  I got over that very quickly, having realised that she was being promoted as an amazing singer/songwriter. Her lyrics have not changed. She is now 22. Her lyrics are basic at best. I do not know A SINGLE 22 /23 year old who sounds like this.  What is the problem here? Does she have some sort of anxiety about discarding this image? Is there more to her? I suspect not.  She needs to step out of her pretty-little-girl niche and prove to us that there is more to her. But if she cannot I understand. What we are getting really is who she is.

All that I see and feel and hear when she walks, speaks and sings, is an overwhelming flood of beige. Inoffensive. Her music hurts no one, but it does not get anyone’s blood going. It sort of lulls me to sleep. The passion in me is not ignited by her music, no. I feel anger when I am told to accept that she is an amazing artist! No! Beyonce, Pink, Kelly Clarkson. Yes. Even Rihanna who sounds like a drowning cat at the worst of times; Lady Gaga- bizarre weirdo that she is;  those are stars. Adele! Adele! I will accept that they are worthy of the tag of being some of the greatest of our time. Taylor Swift? Never.  Has anyone actually seen her live performances? They are notoriously terrible. She can neither sing, dance nor entertain. I refuse to live in a world where Adele and Taylor Swift are in the same league.

I personally am unconvinced by the incredible beigeness that is Taylor Swift. Even as I type this passionate anti-Taylor post, I find myself yawning and losing interest. All I see is a slim girl, with very pale vampirish skin, overly red lips, which aren’t even slutty sexy, which, believe me, is an accomplishment, and curly bouncy blonde hair. It feels like Taylor is rewarded for being a vaguely pretty girl with an iota of talent. Even she is not convinced by herself. Which is why she always looks so surprised when one more award is thrown in her lap. Oh my gosh. Gasp. Oh my gosh. You guys. Like. Wow. omg. What? I’m such a dork and a klutz. Thank you.

Sigh. Give it up already.

Strip away the fairytale gowns and red lippie. What we have is this serial-dater who makes a living from getting her heart broken, right? Where do I sign up? I have more than my fair share of heartbreak and douchebags in my history.  Why is she now playing the victim card? Surely when she chose to date John  Mayer and Jake Gyllenhal she was aware that they were grown men and would play games with her and that they had the potential to hurt her? Everyone has suffered heartbreak. What is so special about Taylor Swift? Why are we compelled to pity poor-her? Does she have a victim complex? Does she need a therapist?

Taylor! You got hurt? Fight back! And are you so stupid you keep making the same mistakes and crying about it? Why? Where is your agency in all of this? Why did you lie back and let these men stomp all over your heart? Why did you have to sing it to them? Could you not have a screaming match in your condo? Or meet for a latte and verbally assault whoever hurt you so deeply, like the rest of us, mere mortals?

I feel that at 22, Tay-Swizzle should have had enough life experience to not still be singing about princesses, castles and first love and high school, let alone abusing the word “like” like as much as she like well, like does. Like. Seriously. Like.

Her entire image and persona strikes me as incredibly contrived and fake and designed to put millions in her account. This overly-virginal persona is exaggerated by the fact that she is now insisting on dating eighteen year olds.  It works. She is incredibly rich off this squeaky clean image. But it means I have no respect for her “music.” Like I said, she needs to do more to convince me she is not a one-trick pony, because let’s face, that is exactly what she is. A sweet little girl who has been a victim of big mean men who have broken her pure little heart.  Also,  a crazy black rapper interrupted her speech. I agreed with Yeezy, by the way. Everyone was thinking it; he just said it. Why was he the only one to question how Taylor could be favoured over Beyonce? In what context would that ever be supportable?  Now she seems to be rewarded at every single award show. “Here Taylor. We’re sorry about the Kanye situation. Have a Grammy. Come now. Taylor needs to not take herself so seriously. She needs to smile more genuinely, laugh at herself and stop telling us how lame she is.  And she needs a better stylist. She looks like a couch. A wide-eyed, red-lipped couch.

Not everyone needs to subscribe to the “bad bitches” club of Kesha or Rihanna or Iggy. I have been saying that the world needs less poorly-behaved women.  But Taylor takes it to a whole new level. She needs to grow up. She is fooling no one and we are tired of her. At least I am. She has played the “good girl image” to death. Just because one is not engaging in scandalous behaviour does not mean that one ought to be lauded. It is a choice. She chose to not engage in sexualising her image, to not take the Lohan-drugs-and-partying-all-night route. But she must not now behave as though that renders her superior to all others. It is simply how it is.

In Taylorsville, everything is black and white. There are good girls like Taylor, and sluts. There are Prince Charmings and jackasses like John who didn’t know she was too young to be messed with. The world is not black and white. It has so many nuances and the fact that Taylor cannot appreciate this, at nearly 23, makes me convinced she is an idiot. The thing is, the average 22/23 year old has had some life experience, has seen dark things, has made mistakes, even if they are not some “raging slut.” They have had relationships, kissed a few assholes, screwed over a friend, crashed a car, had a drunken night out in some dingy nightclub. Are we truly to believe that Taylor has never made a bad decision and has always been the victim in every single situation? I highly doubt that.

The truth is that Taylor Swift is moderately talented but is disproportionately rewarded for mediocrity. There are many more deserving singer-songwriters out there in Celebsville. It is offensive to the world for Taylor Swift to be touted as a top talent. She lacks substantial talent and sincerity. Everything about her image is so calculated. I am sure she is a lovely person, but I simply cannot relate to her persona.

Taylor is the poster-child for privilege. I cannot relate. I fail to view her a s a real person. She has been turned into a brand of all that is good and virtuous and sweet perfection. I am unconvinced by the incredible beigeness that is Taylor Swift.  Taylor simply needs to remember, it’s a scary dImagerop from the top. They build you up, to tear you down. Simply ask La Lohan or Britney, or the Olsens or…well you get my point. The more she presents herself as perfection itself, the easier it will be for her image to be ripped to shreds with one misstep.

And will someone kindly tell her that her mouth is open. Thanks.


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