This year I resolved to challenge myself in every way possible. I was curious. What do I look like when I push myself to the very limits of my capabilities? I felt that I needed to put in a lot more work than I have ever done before, aligning my actions with my long-term goals.
I’ll be honest: it was not easy. It was also extremely important and necessary.
For a few weeks now, I have been reflecting and planning my coming year; pondering over lessons learnt this year, people loved, places gone, pictures snapped.
I see something and it triggers a happy memory. Remnants of a love lost. Bittersweet. I thought he was the one. A reminder of how warm it felt in that embrace, how safe that love was. Home. And how I felt I would never be happy again when that light went out. The night I cried myself sick, the last night. Every challenging night since then, I have reminded myself, “if you could survive that, what are you afraid of?” Life goes on.
It’s never anything big; just small meaningful moments that make up the sum of my life.
This year I saw a commitment to family and how blessed I have been; nurturing friendship, forgiving and growing as well as letting go; steady progress in the gym- discipline extending to other areas of my life; career wins and lessons; the importance of health and wellness after I ended up in the emergency room a few times; dancing in the dark, letting my boundaries down to just be in the moment a little; choosing the wrong person willingly; loving even after all the heartbreak and disappointment, choosing to not be defined by failings in that regard; defining how I want to be loved even more clearly; returning to love and showing up every time ready to do the work. Letting love lead, never fear.
Highs and others; grateful for the growth, the love and lessons.
One of the best things I did for myself this year was scheduling time and love. Where it is invested, how it is managed. The home frequency where you put your head down, give it deliberate focus and invest in the right situations. Working and knowing exactly what you are trying to do, and where your energy needs to be.
Here’s to an even more deliberate 2019.