Loving. Learning. Letting go.
Confession time: I truly disliked the period of Lent when I was younger. It felt tedious and restrictive to me, a headstrong child who did not enjoy being told what to do by anyone; a quality I retain to this day. What I knew about Lent was that we didn’t sing the Gloria for about a month (which was the best part of Church to me); I couldn’t have meat on Fridays (chicken?) and I had to go to church more (snooze-fest.) Additionally, I usually had to give up chocolate and sweets and was scolded more by my mother for not being restrained enough during the period. I didn’t fully understand it so I was a tad resentful.
As I got older, I began to take an active interest in my faith and actually pay attention and understand what it meant. I am still learning. I won’t lie, my turning point came a few years ago when a certain priest mentioned that Lent did not necessarily require giving up anything.
What? Why had no one told me this before?
It reminded me of the first time the Priest mentioned that verse about children respecting their parents and then added the next verse encouraging parents to not irritate their children lest they became discouraged. No one had ever mentioned that before! Amazing.
Colosssians 3: 20 and 21.
“Yes,” he continued. “Instead of quitting something, one can elect to take up something else!”
Yaay! You can imagine my excitement. I learnt that I could choose to take up something of my choice and focus on that. I was excited. I stopped giving up things, which had been really hard and unenjoyable for me, and tried to take up healthier habits. Looking back, I still gave up something; it was just framed differently and triggered a mindset change. I could say, I give up being rude and selfish, or I could declare that I was taking up being kinder and more careful with my words and sharing more with others who did not have as much as I do. The latter necessarily encompassed the first option, but to my mind, it was infinitely more desirable and do-able. Instead of giving up sweets, I was saving my money to help someone else. It completely changed Lent for me.
Nowadays, my Lenten period is often a combination of actively giving something up- swearing, impatience on the road, alcohol (welp)– and taking something else up- being kinder and softer with people, being less judgmental, giving to the poorer, donating my clothes; that sort of thing. It was and remains a work in progress. As I have gotten older, I have been able to redefine the limits of my faith and to make my own independent decisions about what I want and need to do to be right with the Lord. As with most things, the way that people will observe Lent, if at all, is dependent on personal preferences, family situations, tradition, religion and upbringing. Some people will fast and pray; others will fast on certain days or abstain from certain things on certain days or for the entire period. The Church is not overly prescriptive and merely sets guidelines, such as: no eating meat on Fridays and on Ash Wednesday; fish is permissible; fast, give alms and pray. But there is no specific requirement. It really is all up to you in a way.
I “enjoy” Lent because it is akin to the beginning of the week or month or year. A fresh start. It is a chance to break bad habits and consciously try again. The world we live in is incredibly distracting. It will distract you if you do not pay attention and you will wake up wondering how on earth you ended up in that situation when it would have been crystal clear to you if you were only a little less distracted. If we never acknowledge the bad in us and the need to rebuild where we are broken, we can never recover.Humility and acknowledging that one is human and weak and can fail, then workingto redress that. I have heard several people who aren’t even Catholic state that the Lenten principles are still applicable and they take the time to reflect and make some changes. I imagine if you fervently made New Year’s Resolutions and have fallen off the wagon, you can kick-start them again in month 3 without too much damage.
Lent is a time to rebuild the broken. Broken hearts, spirits, relationships, bodies. We break so that we can rebuild. One of my New Year’s Resolutions was to be happy. I have been actively pursuing my joy and happiness and am using this time to consolidate that.
“It is not necessary to “give up something” but it would be a tragedy to do nothing. “
This year, for Lent, I have committed to various things. Some of them were spiritual, like dedicating more time to my relationship with God, which requires unplugging earlier and resting my body and meditating and praying. This also involves stressing less and letting go of anxiety and reading my Bible where I would normally be on the internet. Some of them were to make secular changes such as changing my gym and finding a new space to work out in . Another is to avoid getting angry on the road which will help me be calmer and more relaxed in my commutes and interactions. It’s just little things which I hope will help me establish a new routine which will extend even beyond Lent. Overall I hope they will contribute to my spiritual growth and holistic health.
What exactly is Lent?
Lent: etymology- English word Lenten- springtime- the time of lengthening days. The most important holiday in the Church is not actually Christmas; it is Easter. The Lenten period is a time of fasting, prayer, abstinence and patience as the great day approaches. It is worth noting that Catholics do not normally fast, but in this period, it is greatly encouraged, particularly on the Holy Days such as Ash Wednesday and Good Friday.
Throughout history, Christians have embraced prayer, fasting and giving alms as necessary components of repentance and forgiveness. Even in pre-Christian times, to show repentance, people would dress in sackcloth and sprinkle themselves with ashes to show humility and repentance. What could be deemed more humble than donning sackcloth and rolling around on the ground? Over the years, emphasis was placed on not making a show of humility and repentance, but actually being sorry and making amends, even without the external showing of it. Nowadays, the ash ritual is limited to Ash Wednesday where a cross is made on the forehead of believers, a reminder that you are ash and you will return to ash. The ashes are from the burnt offerings of the palms from the previous year’s Palm Sunday- another important Church holiday. Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of the (technically) forty days of Lent. Lent is a period of humility and sacrifice; a solemn period where you get back to basics about faith.
The forty days of Lent are reminiscent of the forty days and forty nights Jesus spent being tempted and provoked by the Devil in the wilderness while he prayed and fasted after his baptism by John the Baptist and before he began his teachings. Jesus knew that he had a serious job ahead of him and needed to prepare himself. In the same way, Catholics prepare themselves for the joy that is coming. It’s a period of self-reflection and examination to allow you to emerge free of ugliness and ready to celebrate Easter renewed and joyous. I think that’s quite a beautiful concept.
Weeping may tarry for the night,
but joy comes with the morning.
Psalm 30 : 5
It was my birthday two days ago and I truly had such a lovely day! I was supposed to go on a girl’s trip for my birthday but that fell through. There was a lot of drama in the lead up to my birthday and I got really frustrated and irritated at how everything that could go wrong, was going wrong, so I decided to cancel all my plans and spend most of the day alone just to make sure it went exactly how I wanted it to go; control I suppose. Low expectations, no disappointment. Funnily enough, I actually ended up spending only a relatively small part of the day alone. I spent the day not with the people I would have expected to, but it was a day full of so much love, effort, intention and good wishes that I actually felt a little overwhelmed! I certainly was not disappointed. I chose to focus only on the positivity and joy instead of those little niggling ugly feelings that always seem to crop up. I can’t be the only one who gets a little weepy, sensitive and nostalgic around my birthday.
I went to church in the morning and thanked God for all the blessings he has given me so far; my family, my friends, my health, my job, my capabilities and my love. I got home to a giant delivery of the prettiest flowers; I couldn’t stop geeking out over how big the bouquet was! Everyone knows how much I love flowers and plants and it was really lovely that someone remembered and actually did something about it!
Then I went to the spa all alone and had the most delectable experience. I was so relaxed and warm and calm. I even fell asleep a little during my massage! I think you get the point; it was amazing. Afterwards I had a late lunch with a friend who insists on calling it “lunner “at a quaint little Greek deli which we have now decided is our new favourite joint. Unbelievably tasty food at a great price. Double winner! We had Mezedakia, a trio of tzatziki, hummus and skirdalia. Then we had Skara Sti Pita, which is a carb-loaded traditional Greek pita filled with meat, tzatziki, chips(!) and a salad. I had the bifteki and my friend opted for the pork. Hands down the most delicious thing I have eaten in a while. Then we had a giant plate of beautiful lemon-flavoured prawns. Gin and Vodka also made an appearance. It was just so good! Unfortunately my phone died so I didn’t get to take any decent pictures of the amazing food, but when we go back next time, I will definitely share with you. I think it deserves its own feature.
On my way home, I unfortunately hit the most massive pothole while attempting to avoid another pothole.Sigh. That’s how these things go. My tyre completely gave in and I was really lucky I hadn’t been going faster. Two young men stopped and helped me change the tyre; they even waited for my Mom to come when we realised one of the things we needed for the jack was missing. I was so grateful and touched by the kindness of complete strangers. They didn’t have to do that for me, but they did, without expecting anything. People can really surprise you like that.
I got home safe, happy and fed, to a few more presents and lovely words.My friend was laughing at me that I could remain cheerful after such an awful experience, but it is part of my new strategy to enjoy my life in 2017. I am not very good at letting things go and at having things be out of my control. I have been beating myself up mentally for not paying more attention when I was driving, despite knowing how awful the roads are and that it was bound to happen at some point.
I like to plan, yes even to the point of over-planning. I can even drive myself crazy second-guessing myself; it is exhausting. I am learning to relax a little and let it all fall together. I have had to learn that is not always possible, especially when you are dealing with other people and they have their own lives going on. No one owes you anything. A difficult but necessary lesson, and what better time to learn it than going into a new year on my birthday?
Look at me. A year older and already wiser. Thankful and glowing.
Thank you for reading! 🙂
“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.”
Oh God. The loneliness of growth.
[A reflection prompted by a corrugated roof; a wild body of flowers and plants.]
The first floor of my gym overlooks a golf course. It provides a view of the upper middle-class dream. The brand new executive cars that are always gleaming in the car park next to the club house. I mean, always gleaming. Rain, sun, wind; you name it, these cars are always glistening and spotless. It’s a phenomenon I have to look into. But that’s for another day. The members-only clubhouse. The very fit-conscious executives and their business partners- there is no one more self-conscious than the early middle-aged executive; no beer bellies here- trim and supreme. The caddies on the green. The expensive-looking clubs. The golf carts. Aspirational.
What really catches my eye however, is another view. It never fails to make me pause and reflect. I see it almost every day, but it makes me smile, stop and think a little about the beauty of life and nature, and to feel really grateful to be alive at that moment.
A rusted corrugated red roof of the outhouse garages where the little golf carts come home to rest after a long day of leisure. Peeling, long-exposed to the elements and corroding.
A sprouting of purple flowers on a leafy green bush. I have no idea what they are; I just know that I like them. Wild and overrun, uncut and droopy.
Usually by the time I make it to gym, the sun is setting. Golden delicious. With the advent of December, the rainy season has started in earnest. Often there will be a raging storm, a little hail sometimes or simply angry moody grey fluff gathering menacingly in the distance and making me impatient to work out and head home before I get caught in the mania of rain traffic in Harare.
Whichever it is, cooling rain after a heat-wave or the delicious golden shimmer of an impending dusk, I am always in awe of the beauty surrounding me. Perhaps I am altogether too romantic for my own good, but it is something I have made my own and make no apologies for; there are very few things as stunning as nature which we get for free in this world.
What makes this particular view special to me is the juxtaposition of man-made with nature’s design. Incredibly hard and unbelievably soft. As different as possible but making the most delicate and calming picture.
Our world is currently in a time of great polarization, divisiveness, intolerance and hatred; it is ugly and disconcerting. There is an obsession with having things done one way or not at all. One is either with us or they are against us, even if they have not said this much. There is no compromise or engagement. That is unsustainable. Even our environment shows us that the only way to move forward is by encouraging compromise and co-existence; allowing diversity to flourish. It is possible to accommodate everyone and everything; it just requires a little effort, understanding and a lot of empathy.
How many times do we angrily reject something or someone whom we feel is a threat to our comfortable existence? We fail to acknowledge their challenges, are dismissive and speak over them, silencing them and cowing them before our own views which we believe, for whatever reason, to be superior.
Ultimately, the most gorgeous picture is not created by only having one version of something. There has to be nuance and difference for anything interesting to result. The only reason this particular view makes me stop and think is the way that the rusty lazy red of the roof blends with the striking purple, the leafy black trees in the background as dusk approaches, and the yellow and green of the grassy knoll. I would not take a second look at a green field. As it is, I am writing almost a thousand words inspired by a little piece of land simply because of the richness it embraces.
In the same way, we need to learn to co-exist, to respect the differences which we have and to actually using them to enhance our relationships, realities and experiences. That is what makes this journey worth anything at all; the ability to see others for their realities and capabilities and respecting what makes them, them. Diversity and individualism are not dirty words. There cannot only be one truth and one point of view; what a sad and bland existence.
The freedom to live one’s truth unharmed by others, causing no harm to others; that is the true measure of tolerance and humanity.
Never has poetry been as crucial as it is right now, to remind us, people of colour, of the importance of self love, self care and self acceptance. It has a central role in creatively articulating the many injustices in the world today, giving a human perspective to the tragedies occurring around the world, and in those moments where our own words fail us, poetry is the avenue through which so many of us can express ourselves. Throughout history poets of colour have inspired: Rabindranath Tagore, James Baldwin, Audre Lorde, Maya Angelou, Sandra Cisneros — the list is endless. Now comes a new generation.
So here is the latest crop of poetry legends that we discovered or rediscovered in 2014:
Earlier this year it was announced that this young American-Korean poet had won the prestigious Walt Whitman Award. Based in Los Angeles, the…
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“I am a lover without a lover. I am lovely and lonely and I belong deeply to myself.”
About two months ago, I was admitted as an attorney of the High Court. It marked the end of a five year journey to the bar, and the beginning of what I hope will be an exciting stage in my life and career.
As with most things legal, the ceremony was fairly dull and uninspiring. There was a judge, a court room, a bunch of impatient attorneys waiting for their cases to be heard, family members and about ten nervous almost-lawyers. There was some very polite applause once all of us had been sworn and duly registered. No ululations, no dancing, no popping of champagne. Cold and clinical. My voice trembled a bit. Then it was over and we went to lunch then back to work. Painless and almost a footnote. I was underwhelmed given how long it had taken me to fulfill my career goal and to get to this point.
So obviously I decided to throw a little party. A soiree with my closest friends. It was a chance to just dress up, drink and be happy and sparkle. At this point I hadn’t seen my friends in a few weeks, months and years in some cases, so I made sure that I chose a date where everyone, or as many of the, would be home for the holidays.
We had pasta, cocktails and cake and more drinks; we took pictures; went dancing afterwards , drank champagne and had a lovely evening. Whenever I am feeling particularly low, I just look at the pictures and enjoy the night all over again. I decided to share a few with you here. I am the type of person who is very hard on herself and does not ever really take time out to celebrate; I am already on to the next stage of the paper chase. This was a chance to slow down and relax and acknowledge how far I have come. It does not mean that I have done it all. It takes nothing away from your goals when you stop breathe and dance.
Until further notice, celebrate everything…
Thanks for reading.
The problem I face is that I can only ever really write when I’m falling apart.
I haven’t stopped writing for a year…
But i’m still standing. and I’m trying to get better.